An open letter to the Princess trapped by a Dragon – by Prince Charming

The letter you wrote me was sweet as cherry, and so was the mark of your lips, which particularly startled my heart. I’ll cherish it, always.
I hope one day to see your real lips, but that day will not be after I slay the dragon that has imprisoned you – because I will do no such thing.
Here’s an idea: slay the dragon yourself. There’s probably a bunch of swords laying around. Perhaps the dragon uses them as toothsticks. Use one of those.
I mean, you’re by far the one in the best position to do so. You live right next to it and have thus far been harmless, so it’ll never see it coming. You know the hallways. You’ve seen the hundreds of battles that led to the hundreds of decaying corpses between its teeth. Some knowledge of strategy and fighting style must have reached your intellect.
Unless you didn’t pay attention, which is your own problem. My suggesten: watch a hundred more.
You’re not weak. A woman, if she puts her mind to it, can do what we knights do. It’s harder, yes, but don’t get discouraged. At this point it’s that, waiting to be freed when you’re too old to marry and offer children or, finally, dying of old age in the cold tower. Perhaps you’ll outlive the dragon? But I doubt it, so choose the path of glory!
Instead of me or my brothers risking our lives for you, why don’t you save us from battling such a monster? Then you could return to your father’s castle and marry one of us for politics, due to the outcome of a tournament or, perhaps, because of romance. Instead of taking the husband that caught the dragon off guard – something I promise you doesn’t require a good heart or friendly manners.

Sincerely – Prince Charming.

My parents are demanding that I take this opportunity to grasp half the kingdom. I’d appreciate it if you could get the job done by next full moon.

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