A Breakup Letter To Peanutbutter

Dear Peanutbutter

This isn’t working anymore. I discovered you on a night of adventure, when trying something new seemed appropriate. I thought you’d be sticky and weird but you weren’t. You were yummy and creamy and perfect on my carrots.
And for a time it was all good.
When I felt the need for a little sugar I went to you and filled myself with your goodness.
When I was hungry for more you ended my cravings.
It was all good because you belonged to the organic section and you were 99% pure with only a little salt for spice. Oh, it was good, and with 22% protein you were all the beef I needed.

But you make me lazy. I’ve stopped caring about other food and I’m not a good friend at all. Eventually, if we continue this way, I’ll gain weight from your one-sided nourishment. Too much of one macronutrient isn’t good for anyone, and your love is fat, fat, fat …

Oh, peanutbutter … Staying away from you will be horrid. Already two days apart has me running to your shelf and gorging on you like there was no tomorrow. I want all the peanutbutter!
And I can’t, I just can’t, do with merely a few bites of you. I must devour you or have nothing, so in the end I choose the latter. I cannot be a monogamous eater. I won’t.

Goodbye, peanutbutter.
I’ll be back Monday.

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